Indulgence Today. Downfall Tomorrow.

Do I want to have fun today? Or do I want to be financially responsible? This is my daily struggle. We all have our indulgences: the thing we rationalize are okay to do or have because we work hard and deserve the reward. All the while knowing we sure as hell do not deserve that reward and stress is soon to follow as a result of this decision. The devil on my shoulder constantly whispers in my ear saying “Buy it! You can save money tomorrow. It’s only $10.” Before I know it, the innocuous $10 has turned into $200 and I’m struggling to make rent. It’s a juvenile attitude. I’m not proud of it. But it’s definitely one of my current realities.

For Tory, it’s riding her dirt bike, buying new clothes, and eating delicious food. For me, it’s about buying new books, going out with friends, and buying shit on Apple TV. Inconsequential things that if done sparingly are not egregious, but if done frequently, can be detrimental given that we’re constantly living paycheck to paycheck. I start off each month with a budget for variable expenses, like my social life and sustenance, and somehow by the second week of each month, I’ve already committed some financial error. I then scramble the latter half of the month to save and scrimp so I can survive yet another month without begging my parents for more money. And around, and around, I go.

I hate to paint the picture that we’re not trying to rectify the situation, or that we’re just another set of immature, and irresponsible women looking for instant gratification. We’re not that at all. It’s an ebb and flow that we’re still trying to figure out as we learn to fend for ourselves and grow as people. I’ll repeat, it’s not something I’m proud of, or hope to evangelize. Most people would be surprised to learn these things about me. (at least I’d like to hope so).

Which leads me to my next set of questions: at what age am I, the late-twenty something person, supposed to have these childish actions in check? Do others struggle with this very topic as much as I do? Outside of becoming a recluse, or getting a high-flying job – how do I balance my indulgences with my fixed expenses?

Until next time,
Girl in this World


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